Day 1 of the grand coalition and all is well, poverty and disease have been cured, Dave's been voted TIME man of the millenia and it's Barack's turn to do the rather demeaning sycophantic arse-kissing...
...well maybe not quite, but it has been a good start.
Nick Clegg got DPM. His most important role in the administration will be keeping the coalition running smoothly, making sure Cable and Huhne don't go 'off-piste' and to keep the likes of Simon Hughes, Ming Campbell and David Steele from the vicinity of a television camera for the next four years and 11 months,
William Hague got Foreign Secretary and hoefully should lead the FO into a more robust future. Not only in projecting British geo-political interests but also in the return of the great foreign trade mission. It was something we used to be the best in the world at and something that deserves a comeback. We've been buying from the far east for decades...it's time to make them buy british and also start investing here again. His mission is simple yet difficult, make Britain the world's hub again.
The Chancellor's role has fallen on Osborne. It's a pretty thankless task but I'm certain he's up to the job, even if it's the toughest one any British chancellor has ever faced. I'm glad he's adopted the Libdem £10,000 pa tax allowance proposal (Note to our libdem brethren, this wasn't the concession you guys thought. Any Tory worth their salt loved this idea!). The trick is paying for it. George showed early signs of innovation and a radical approach, he'll need to find some great ideas to pay for this and also to deal with the wider deficit. He will be assisted by David Laws as Chief Treasury Secretary, probably one of the libdems idealogically closest to the tories. He also has a background of economics and worked in the city so knows what has to be done and could be useful as a foil for Osborne. He mustn't shy away from being tough on other departments and their budgets.
The Home Office was a surprise. I expected Cameron to throw some redmeat to his right flank and appoint David Davis or even possibly bring back Michael Howard to deal with what has proved to be the graveyard of briefs in recent years. He's instead opted for Theresa May, with not many Women in the cabinet I'm not surprised she's been promoted. She's not spectacular but that's not what the Home Office needs. She doesn't seem to be Gaffe prone (which is what did for Chris Grayling) and is seen as a safe pair of hands. Nevertheless, she will need to get to grips with her brief quickly.
Justice and the Lord Chancellorship has gone to Ken Clarke. The thought of him strolling into the lords in wig and tights is not that pleasant a mental image (and is probably quite a flammable one with Ken's penchant for cigars. As well as prisons, he'll have many constitutional matters to attend to including the big political reforms which will be implemented by this administration so it's probably a good thing to have probably the most experienced government minister about there. And playing Jazz to the lags doing stir might prove to be an effective deterrant!
Business, Banks and Universities has gone to Vince Cable and here I'm a little concerned. Thankfully he's been kept out of the treasury, but his brief will still have an important part to play in our economic recovery. As I said earlier, he shoulp put his head together with Hague and come up with some vital foreign trade missions. Not only securing exports for our businesses but attracting inward investment in GB plc. And as long as he tries not to turn his brief into 'The St. Vince show' everything will be rosy. But the tories don't fully trust him and I suspect neither does Clegg. If he steps out of line expect him to be dropped and flushed away like an errant turd.
Education. Michael Gove. Thank God. His free schools policy was the best thing to come out of the election campaign. Cameron aside, Gove has been the Tories star performer and I expect his star to rise now that he's got a red briefcase to actually implement his life-changing policy. If he wasn't so unfortunately featured he'd be a future PM. Still politics is supposed to rock stardom for ugly people so who knows?
DWP. Iain Duncan Smith. This was the big surprise of the day but certainly from much of the right of centre blogosphere an extremely welcome one. He has worked tirelessly on this field with the Centre for Social Justice since Cameron became leader and have no doubt he'll approach this brief with the same zeal. He does know the department and the reforms needed inside out and I fully expect him to hit the ground running. Alongside Gove's school reforms I expect his work here to be one of the two central pillars on which Cameron's government is defined.
Energy and Environment. Chris Hulne. This post is vital....absolutely crucial to our nation's future. There, hopefully his ego has been sufficiently stoked because if he ballses this one up we'll all be in the shit...and in the dark too. And the energy brief is more important that the environmental brief too. He may need to start ignoring the socks and sandals wing of his party and embracing the harsh realities of energy security. Strangely, he seems to have embraced this coalition in a much easier fashion than I imagined. And if he's fully on board it will make keeping the coalition sailing fowards a bit easier...still a cunt though.
Tory Party Chairman. Sayeeda Warsi. A well deserved reward for the slayer of Griffin. Who'd have thought the party could go from Tebbit to her in 25 years. And for any MP or local conservative association who's thinking of stepping out of line...be afraid...be very afraid. The woman is Tenacious. She is swapping with Comrade Pickles who now having completed his mission of lovebombing Libdems now will be lovebombing the public at large in communities up and down the country...just remember to stock up on pies.
Liam Fox has defence and will hopefully fight to ensure that no longer will our servicemen have to go into battle under equipped.
And as a sidenote with the events of the last 24 hours have these conspired to make Gordon Brown Labour's equivalent to Ted Heath (with the addition of a beard obviously)?